yeah, okay. i think one thing we can all agree on here is that “finding yourself” is actually confusing as fuck.
it’s been a long time coming, so far. i say “so far” because i’m literally still not sure about 80 percent of anything, but it’s a process. what i have figured out in my 18 years of life is largely what i’m not: i’m not an athlete, not a soundcloud rapper, not a true goth, not a lover of math, etc. and when it comes to my gender identity, i’ve realized i’m not a girl.
but gab…you dress so feminine? What do you mean?
exactly, key word being “dress.” and I’ll explain why this is important. In reality, gender doesn’t exactly work as the binary we have constructed it as. realistically, gender can be viewed more as a spectrum. or a wild ass plane. feminine does not always automatically mean “girl,” just as masculine doesn’t always mean “boy.” but because we see gender as a binary, two separate boxes, we do make those assumptions. however, not every person performs gender the same exact way.
and that partially is because it’s a social construct, meaning we, as a society, literally just made this shit up.
well what about sex?
as a social science student, you learn that there is a distinction between gender and sex. sex is what they put on your birth certificate depending on whats between your legs. sex is hormones and chromosomes. that’s honestly all it is. even then, sometimes sex isn’t even all that distinctive, like sometimes we forget intersex people exist.
y’all sex is a social construct..
and like, sex as distinctive from gender is even used to like, still invalidate trans people which is wild like IDK friends it’s all wild.
i’m a non-binary student being confused by academia.
this article is already going down the shithole lol.
when it comes down to it, this is my formal coming out to those of you who did not meet me at college, for those of you who did not meet me over the internet.
most of you have seen me go through many “phases” in my life.
you have seen me go into countless hot topics. for two or three years. then, i trashed my wrist bands and fingerless gloves for pretentious classic rock band tees. i cut off all my hair multiple times only to fry it. you’ve seen me look like robert smith’s black bastard child. maybe i was from a time machine from 1979. also, we don’t talk about when i fell for the lies of riot grrrl.
i got into activism in high school in a blur (thank god i fell into angela davis). but the weird shallow aesthetics was into previously (like riot grrrl stuff) that happen to tie into “feminism” and other aspects i thought were part of my identity, have nothing to do with who i am today. i am not an “edgy” 15 year-old. and even if i was, it is a right to grow and to exist! identifying outside of the binary is perfectly okay and valid.
i am asking those of you who are reading this, to use the pronouns “they/them” when referring to me, instead of “she/her.” this means instead of saying “she is nice!” to say “they are nice!” also, this is still grammatically correct! so do not come at me with this bullshit as an excuse.
in addition to this, i also ask y’all to use more gender-neutral titles when referring to me as well! i always appreciate compliments but words like “queen” and “goddess” are words typically used to describe a girl, and that is not how identify. but i am comfortable with descriptors such as “pretty,” “beautiful,” and “gorgeous.” there are people in my life who i am okay with using certain descriptors or titles, but if i haven’t told you explicitly you could use them, then i request that you don’t use them.
when it comes to talking to non-binary people, or anyone, the best thing to do is ask! if you are not sure what pronouns they use, the best thing to do is ask! it’s really considerate and honestly you might feel awkward for asking but chances are they are going to feel more awkward if you assumed.
for me, i know people assume i am cis because i am cis-passing. but i still experience so much dysphoria when it comes to my body, especially when i know i am supposed to be expecting my period.
gender identity is a complex, annoying construct. all i know is that i’m a “they/them” bitch. be respectful! i do not have room for anything else in my life.